1. Stop thinking this list is stupid before you write it.
2. Stop thinking all forward thinking/day dreaming is pointless.
3. Find job in new town.
4. Look at Documents folder. Note ratio of finished to unfinished stories.
5. Place face in palm. Emit audible sigh.
6. Become a happier person.
7. Do very best to live like some amalgamation of Thomas Pynchon, Seth Green, and The Fonz.
8. Take that story of the Indian that digs up the glass jar in the desert and finds a gun. Publish it, fuckface.
9. Make moving plans based on where you’re running to, not from.
10. Don’t end sentences with a preposition.
11. Don’t casually correct grammar.
12. Same as rule #11, but especially with cute girls.
13. Lose a few pounds.
14. Find a socially acceptable way to bike while indoors.
15. Return to doing graffiti. Lose fear of repercussions.
16. Visit more places. Not Europe. Been done.
17. Do to literature what Jack Bauer does to terrorists. Electrocute it with wires from a motel lamp.
18. Find a band that sounds like Why?, Johnny Cash, and Mastadon.
19. If #18 fails, make band.
20. Stop putting books down before the final chapter.
21. Post another Open Letter.
- An Open Letter to the Wind, You Motherfucker
- An Open Letter to Ilona, the Lithuanian Woman Whose Father Died Fighting the Soviets
- An Open Letter to My Inability to Grow a Beard
- An Open Letter to the Only Piece of Cookware in my Kitchen
- An Open Letter to The Concept of People-Watching
- An Open Letter to My Four Piece Red Mahogny Gretsch Drum Kit
- An Open Letter to My Future: A Master List to Success
- An Open Letter to That Urge to Run Off into the Woods and Live Like a Savage
- An Open Letter to the Man with the AC/DC World Tour Shirt Who Needed Some Money
- An Open Letter to Tostinos Pizza Rolls